After hours of travel~ a bus to Bangkok, a plane to Shanghai, an 8 hour layover, and a plane to LAX~ I was exhausted I wanted the comforts of home, a drive thru fountain root beer, a bean cheese and rice burrito, and a shower with real towels and real hot water. I wanted to hold my cell phone and tell loved ones I was home safe. I wanted to see my parents waiting for me at baggage claim. I was ready to be home. 

At the same time I said good bye to most of my new family in Bangkok. Out of 80 or so of us, only 8 of us flew through China. That meant saying good bye in Thailand was it. Tears and hugs and pictures galore. It was the reality of knowing you had finally learned to truly love your new family, but now you were leaving them for your real family. It was the reality of knowing these people knew you, inside and out, good days and bad, shower or no shower, and learned to love the God in you anyway. That was about to leave. On a different plane. To a place you can only hope will one day reunite you. 

Getting to the airport was relief and stimulis overload all at once. You begin to realize how hard it is when everyone around you is speaking your language. You don't know who to listen to or how to block things out. There are signs and you can read every single one of them, including the ones that show you how long you are about to wait in a customs line before you reach your family waiting just on the other side. On the way home I was at a loss for what to say. Instead I was told about things at home, how family was, the neighboorhood, and 4th of July plans. A short ways into the traffic coming out of Los Angeles, I needed to stop. Nearest place was Krispy Kreme... Not only did I use their bathroom, I also ate two fresh glazed donuts in the car. My first American food home. Then of course we still had to stop to get my favorite burrito and my soda. It didn't matter how full I was already. 

 

It was a few days later as jet lag wore off and reality set it. Things at home hadn't changed much. Everyone was still doing the same thing as when I left a year prior. Kids were a bit taller but still kids. Jobs were still jobs and the job market still sucked. I began to miss my life as a missionary. I missed my random beds and one room with 7 people. I missed my bucket showers and mosquito nets. I missed worship nights and prayer times. I missed having Kingdom as my main focus. 

It was soon after God really began to build upon a vision that started in my last month on the mission field. It was then Hope 'n Motion came to fruition. I knew I was called to bring Kingdom in a new way, in a way that was fit unto me. 

Helping Overcome Poverty's Existence.... HOPE..... It was a word with so many meanings now. 

hope (noun). 1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to come. 2. a person or thing that may help save someone. 3. grounds for believing that something good may happen. 

Hope is something I believe as a human we need to survive. We need to know that we have hope, that we hope for our future, that God gives us hopes and dreams. And it has a new meaning for me now as well... To help overcome poverty's existence in one way shape or form. 

I will not say it is ironic or coinsidence, but a gift from God that yesterday, one day before my one year anniversary of re-entry, I was able to ship out my first Hope 'n Motion shipment. By His grace and mercies the vision He has given me will carry on, with all glory back to Him. 

I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying "Look, God's home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."

~Rev 21:3-4

You are invited to a party!

Anywhere you are, so am I!

That is what I think Uncle Jim wanted us to hear today as he went to be with our Lord. He wanted us to know his seat was ready and waiting with his Bridegroom. In fact, it had been waiting a little too long.

After much suffering and pain, Uncle Jim is in a new body. Something I can only imagine he has longed to have for so long. After loss of his eyesight, loss of memory, and loss of health, he is now free to run and celebrate with the One he lived his life for.

It was something my family knew was coming, and for months he was in and out of the hospital and other types of care. I knew it would be a blessing when the Lord called him home, simply to relieve the suffering he was having. He was surrounded with an amazing circle of believers that knew more than anything peace would be soon upon him.

Last night when I was told Thursday was his last meal, I kind of choked up. I was never very close to Uncle Jim, but despite his loses, he knew who I was and what I was about. From his hospital bed he would as my family weekly how I was on my mission trip, and when I was coming to tell him all about it. Well, since being home I have spoken at their church. I even rescheduled once because he had gone back to the hospital and I wanted him to be there. But the next time it happened again and we all knew the show must go on. I would tell the others there about my journeys and how the Lord worked.

But you see, today Uncle Jim left us, and I never did get to tell him those stories. While he wasn't much to talk back to you anymore, and my conversation would have been one sided, I pray he gets to run up to God and say, "Well hello there God- Can you tell me the stories of how you used my Bambi?" I know it seems silly, but it's amazing how true the stories are- 'When you get home some people will ask you how it was and really not care, and others will ask and have hours to spare- Those are the ones you need to hold on to...' If people wanted to know, really really wanted to know, they would ask. And not just a common in passing ask and expect no response.

So Uncle Jim, I hope you get to watch down from heaven and see all the thousands around the globe serving our God, making a difference, and carrying onward for the cause we shared... While a few tears have been shed, I am delighted to know that you are pain free and whole in the presence of our Mighty King. We will eat some yummy Italian food for you, sing a few songs, and be merry...

*To all family who reads my blogs and is affected by this loss, know you are in my prayers, but please, let's celebrate!!*

A year ago today I was sitting in Budapest, Hungary wondering what on earth was going to be next. After the horrific night we had just had, and being on an ATL, we knew it could only get better. I mean, things couldn't get much worse. It was then we came across a few angels- American missionaries who saved us from the thought of simply living at McDonalds and not only took us in, but considered us family.

I've been thinking a lot lately how often I used to write on the race, how when something dramatic happened- or when some 'a ha' moment happened I made notes everywhere so I could blog when I got a chance. Well here I am, three months into re-entry and when I have those moments I feel this emptiness of, 'Where so I share this?' Sure, I could start a new blog, or I could just talk to people, but neither will happen, most likely.

Instead I decided to look over some blogs from a year ago, about this time and see what the Lord was doing. I was sucked in. I began to not only read my own words, but to feel as if I was in that moment all over again. Remembering the joys and the sorrows that I was facing, and how the Lord was growing me during that time. After reading a handful of blogs I decided to call it a night. Only here I am... Awake, and blogging. Somehow this seems all too familiar.

So I figured I would update on a few things...

 

 

And as for God, well that is a constant learning game...

I don't even know where to begin with how He has amazed me, but I will try to share a few examples...

~Like the time I prayed for wind on a hot day and sure enough, there it came.

~Or the time I thought if I can pray for wind, I'm going big- God can you make it rain? I know it's 115 outside and it would never happen, but you can do anything, so please?? 30 minutes there were thunderstorms and flash flood warnings on the news.

And of course, I am always seeing things new....

~Like how we are not called to admire Christ, but to be like Him

~Or how truth is more important than unity. We will always have division on some level, but without truth the end result is worthless. You may have a happy room of people but none who are going to heaven. Speak truth, no matter what. God will do the rest.

I can't even think to list all of what I've gone through, learned, seen, or heard. It's been overwhelming at times. But I can say this... While I am not sure where I am going next, or what roads the Lord will open, I am trusting in His perfect will that in His perfect time all things will come to pass.

After 25 hours of travel, a pit stop in China, and a few weather delays, I was home. California soil never felt so good. I was met at the airport by my mom and step mom, and the rest of the family was waiting patiently at home for my arrival. We all talk about our plans of our first days home, our first meals, what we can't wait to do, but odds are a few things get changed. At least, a few things got changed for me. So for kicks I thought I would share...

  

On the way home from LAX I had to pee. I know this is a BIG surprise to most of you. So, we got off the freeway and what do we find, Krispy Kreme. This has been talked about many times on the Race, and while this was not a planned first food, my mom(s) couldn't help but laugh at my screams of joy. My first meal was supposed to be a Bean, Rice, Cheese burrito from Miguel's, but don't worry, that still happened on the way home :)

 

Once I got home, the pack I said I wasn't going to touch, well in a matter of minutes it was unpacked, empty and airing out outside, gifts given and laundry going (or at least in the laundry room where it would wait for mom). And as for dinner of spaghetti and cornbread, two things I so badly wanted, that didn't happen either. All siblings had sports practice and I wasn't willing to stay up for it, so that was enjoyed last night instead.

I expected to be hit with jet lag bad, so I didn't have plans the first few days home. Well turns out I'm fine and have no jet lag but it's as if I never left California. I mean, I was looking forward to hours of sleep, but then again, I'm not complaining.

AND of course, the random things that happen after you've been gone a year....

Toilet paper... I said I'd never think to throw it away again, only I do...

Phone... I'm so glad to have it back, only I don't always respond because I forget to carry it around.

Outlets... I went for my computer charger and looked at plug to see if I needed an adapter. Not like I have one anyway, I borrowed all year.

TV... I woke up at 5am my first morning home and didn't turn it on afraid the sound woke wake my family. Didn't think hard enough that they sleep upstairs and wouldn't have a clue.

Pantry... Stood in front of it just because I could.

Movies... Couldn't sleep so thought I'd watch a movie on my computer. Then realized I have a tv with DVD options.

Target... Told people I'd wait a few days to go. Good thing we went my first full day home to return a gift I got, and it was a family outing. We acted like 3 year old's and it was more than hilarious. And can I just say I didn't but a thing!

 

 

It's been a long year away from home, and one of the people I miss most is my dad. He isn't much of the computer type, and honestly not much for a phone call either. When you add those together, it means I haven't talked to him nearly as much as I would like to. So as a little something special for Father's Day, I thought I would put up a little Daddy tribute...

Here are some of my favorite memories, and some just randoms that only Dad understands...

Memories

~Knowing I couldn't spread my fingers 'W' but I could do my toes.

~Racing cars on that figure eight track in the garage under apt 64.

~Being 6 years old and able to pick put all parts needed to fix a toilet and knowing how to make perfect vacuum lines in the carpet.

~Thinking if I peed in the pool it would turn a color because you had me convinced after you showed my the product that we had it.

~Smashing my face while riding, or shall I say falling off,  the back of our golf cart.

~Same song every day after school in the car, while you waiting across the street. Then it moved to up the hill from school, in front of the buses,but still, the same song, only different from the other one.

~RC cars in the parking lots, then when I cried when it got ran over once we moved into a house.

~Museums... Too many to name, but man I could have been a member to a lot. And the library- pretty sure they knew us by name and we knew you could check out 32 books at a time, which we did just that.

~When they tried to repo our car thinking you were a different person with the same name. 'Hey Dad, what are thy doing to our car outside?'

 

~Peggy Sue

~Being on the canoe, going wherever the wind would blow us

~Watersking, and the hawk. So much for a spotter, you were all too interested in him to notice I was being drug half way around the lake.

~Geist Lake, early mornings on the smooth water, and then the Blue Heron.

~Sitting in the driveway of Grandma Loris's house in that blue rental car because she wouldn't let us use air conditioner in the house.

~Wildcat lanes, with fried cheese curds galore

~Coffee table books always remind me of you.

~ATV riding in the mud, then go carting.

~Throwing up pasta and green beans, which came out my nose, and you coming to the rescue, all which interrupted a game of Monopoly on the kitchen table.

~Always coming home from Child Time with mom to a bath waiting, and being convinced it was necessary to bathe, not an option as I wished.

~Sitting in the rental office with my own box of all office forms, knowing exactly how to write work order forms mom took and then give to you.

~That cool kid that got to show up at someone's door with Dad to fix something they messed up, again.

~You being jealous I met Hoku and you didn't at Disneyland, all because you had to go potty.

~You trying to nurse Honey back to life after we came home from Disney land to find her pinned under her hamster wheel. She died, but you tried to tell me you gave her a burial and it would be okay.

~Many fish tanks. Salt water. Fresh water. Lobsters. Eels. Fish. And that one eel that jumped out all the time and we would find him on the ground. Gross.

~Fishing, and always giving it to you once the fish was caught to unhook. I was not going to touch it. No way jose.

~Always having to wear a helmet. ALWAYS. Only time I ever got grounded. Michelle told on me. Its okay, it instilled good values for my kids.

~PH testing pools and getting to throw in all kinds of chemicals.

~Chipping a tooth on the pool deck, cutting my heel open in the pool, wasp sting on my butt at the pool, secret pool toy closet, so many pool memories.

~Karaoke and my light box. We were cool, at least then we were...

~Playing on your drum set before I could read.

~Driving the bobcat and helping redo our lake

 

~You reading my history books in college to me because I hated history.

~Off-roading riding on the top of the Hummer with Todd.

~Making movies in the hallway with Natalie while you edited them so we magically appeared.

~Camping with Melissa and you. Getting the tick in my neck, the coyotes at night, the toad in the porta potty.

~Changing my many flat tires in the Focus. Coming to the rescue when the Bug broke down and I was a gimp with my knee immobilizer.

~Making my room in mom's office at our old house, and my cool make shift closet.

~When you hit Dude's cage hanging on the patio with a 2x4 you walked by with opening it and letting him out.

~When we set up a box and string trap to try and lure the canaries back after they got out too.

~ Buying me my Olympus. Sending me on my way to go after my dream of photography.

 

~Chasing Kimba, and opening the car door to get him in, and in the process locking yourself out of the running car now holding out giant dog.

~Big Bertha. Enough said.

~You making sausage with Nono.

 

~Moving me into college, then home, then college, then home, etc.

~Laying in your bed crying and you telling me you would hurt someone if they broke my heart again

~You coming to visit me with the kiddos, and then having to have them all pile in a tow truck on the way home, when the Hummer broke down on the freeway.

~The beach, all day, with grilled cheese and fries from the stand, and then smoothies on the way home.

~Teaching me to surf, and the keys of getting a wetsuit on and off, while wet.

~"If I could say I love you as many times as there are starts in the Milky way I would"

~Saying good-nights across the hall, always including sweet dreams and God bless.

~You and mom comparing bellies when she was prego with Todd.

~Driving me to school when we moved before I was old enough to drive.

~The turd wagon. Ugliest best car ever.

~Water filtration system for 4^th grade science fair. That was freaking amazing.

~Pajama and movie days in mom and dads bed. With lots of junk food and surround sound.

~Getting an email address and making my life complete feeling like I could talk to you while across the globe.

~Giving the infamous names Bambipepe and Jessicaca

~Always finding some way to get us a pool

~Coin collection we started, though I have no idea if that is still at home or long gone.

~Going skateboarding with Todd and realizing you weren't young anymore.

~Recording Mr. Rogers and Reading Rainbow for me while I was home from school for the few weeks after my smashed face healed and all I did was sleep, watch shows on your bed, and eat soup out of a turkey baster.

I am sure there are so many more that I just can't think of right now, but I wanted to say this... Dad, I hope you have a great Father's Day and know I love you so much and these are just some of the many memories I have for you and me. I wouldn't be who I am without you, and I wouldn't have grown up with possible one of the best childhoods, or so I like to think even if I am a bit biased. I wish I could be there with you to celebrate, but I will be home in 9 days!!! My year away is almost over, and I can't wait to see you again and have a giant hug....

I love you dad, as many times as there are stars in the milky way.

I am from Los Angeles. I am all too familiar with black market and knock offs. Wait a minute- let me correct that. I am from Orange County. I am all too familiar with designer labels and outrageous price tags. But you ask me today where I am, it's far from either of those places. I am in Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

Being a few thousand miles from home you might think things would be different. Sure there are ten times more motorbikes than cars, rice is included in all three meals of a local, there are beautiful places next to slums. I might be across the world, but there is this constant umbrella above it all.

Counterfeit.

Black Market.

No matter what you have you want something more, you want to be someone else. If you can't afford the real thing you take a trip to the fashion district in LA, or here in Cambodia, you buy something anywhere. You see luxury labels on steering wheel covers, and designer labels on classic tshirts. You see isles and isles of purses, shoes, clothes, and yet none of it is worth it. At least, not if you are trying to have the real thing.

So are they trying to have the real thing? Do they even know what the label is? Or to them is it just a bag, or a shirt? It starts to make you wonder. In a place where trash sits along the roads, the streets flood daily with rains and no sewers, and some are lucky to have clothes, do they know they are going for a knock off, a pretend, a counterfeit of something holding a high price?

How many see God this way? How many have a counterfeit relationship with him? Do they really know the high price that has been paid for our salvation and eternal life, or is it a simple prayer some foreigner once told them to say? Is it a relationship where you think you can pay $2 verses $80 like you did on that tshirt, but instead its 3 minutes hearing a worship song over an hour in prayer and reading your Bible?

In Romans 12, Paul talks about personal responsibility and with that how to hold yourself in this world.

"In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly. Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other." (Romans 12:6-10, NLT)

Be who you are, who God has created you to be. We have each been made in His image, to His perfect specification, to be exactly who he wanted us to be. He did not make me just like you, and you not just like the person beside you. He wanted you to be original, hand crafted, valued. He didn't make you to be jealous, envious, or desire what you cannot have. He does not want you to become something you are not, to become something that is only a representation of the person you truly are. He didn't create you to be counterfeit.

Be the real thing. Be the real you. Be the person that a high price was paid for. Don't settle for something sold on the back alleys, but become something that is of purity and genuine material. And don't let your relationship with Him become anything less... He is worth more that we can ever imagine, and yet has given Himself to us free, paying the debt in our place. If anything should be paid in full, that's it.

 

Well today's story was the Prodigal Son. We start by reading the story, and then defining any words they did not know. Today's list was extensive, with about 15-20 words on.  The list looked something like this...

Meanwhile

Circumstances

Dire

Famine

Repent

Estate

Inheritance

Promptly

.....

It also included, humility

A word we refer to often, especially in the church and on the World Race. It is a way of life, a means to live to, or so we like to think so anyway.

Yet how do you define it when you want a simple definition, nothing based on circumstance? And at that, you even have a dictionary.

The Oxford American Dictionary defines humility as this: a modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness OR lower in dignity or importance.

Somehow, neither of those hit home for us this morning. It was me and Ralph, Nicole was home sick. We spent a good ten minutes trying to give examples, use new words, tell stories, and yet nothing got the point across of what humility really is.

I can't help but feel like after almost 24 years of life, 11 months on the field, and more than enough moments in life to reference, I should be able to tell someone what humility is. But I couldn't. I couldn't give it justice. I couldn't make it out to be all it was intended.

So after asking too many people's definition, and sitting here thinking, I think I have it.

There is no definition.

Words cannot explain it.

You just need to have it.

You just need to walk in it.

You just need to breathe it.

Simple as that.